How To Pick Up A Girl In The Produce Department

by Nick Livermore

It’s getting cool out and the opportunities to meet potentials outside are dwindling. Many of us have retreated indoors for the winter, with new faces a rarity until the emergence of sunshine and Spring. One place where you’re sure to find everyone at some point or another over the Winter is picking up groceries. And the one place at the grocery store where you’re sure to find the most eco-friendly, healthy women is in the produce section. I now present to you the Soon To Be Famous How To Pick Up A Girl In The Produce Department.

  • The first step is to dress the part. You don’t want to overdo it, but you also don’t want to look like you just rolled off the couch. Here’s our best idea – where your finest gym attire and the problem is solved!
  • No staring. Ever. This is the most surefire way to look like a creeper and instantly ruin any chance you may have had.
  • What’s in your cart? This will go a long way towards whether or not you look like you belong in the produce department. Pick up the Chef Boyardee’s tomorrow, big boy.

OK, now for the process.

  1. Identify said cute, healthy girl
  2. Wait until she is looking at something, and move in
  3. Sidle up next to her
  4. Pick up two of the same fruit/vegetable
  5. Act jovial – you don’t know which one to pick
  6. Ask said girl! Some ideas:

How to choose a ripe _________?

Is this a cucumber or a zucchini?

What’s your favorite type of apple?

How do I cook this thing?

  1. OK, here’s the thing. She is going to look at you like you’re crazy. But you’ve done the hardest part.
  2. Strike up conversation, but keep it loose and pleasant.
  3. Introduce yourself. Yes, use your real name if you ever want to see her again.
  4. Now, cut it off. You have to go and do something interesting after shopping.
  5. Ask her if she would like to talk food again some time.
  6. Get her number!

Done! It’s that simple. Men – try it this weekend. Women – how did we do?

Let us know in the comments below!

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